I know you're just a memory I'm not complaining, its just something must be said, something I owe it to my self, something I got to get it out of my chest because its heavy really heavy and I can't take it anymore.
It was a habit daydream about you before going to sleep precious moments, but for a while I have been blocking my mind not that I want to think about you its just that I regretted enough getting back. Recently I tried to remember those moments but something is wrong, something new I can't remember your face! I tried so hard to remember, your facial figures are blank to me they doesn't fit into my dreams anymore I can't find you I really can't even catch your smell, I used to memorized those things for the past 8 years of my life. How ever the odds I sometimes find you in my sleeping dreams , couple days ago I dreamed the most beautiful dream about you it was like magic but like smoke you're gone before I know it, on that day you called and I was astonished not to mention afraid. Every time I dream about you, you call! I hate that I love the bond between us I just hate it because it maybe existed but its not working for me anymore, I'm sorry now I see clearly that you only existed in my dreams because in reality you wasn't the right one.
I know sometime I'm hard to figure out, but believe me all my beliefs are really simple. Sticking to it is the complex part, the world in my eyes is different than yours and what made me write this letter is the look in your eyes. I saw how weak you see me and it disappointed me to the extremes because I'm not by any means weak YOU BROKE ME but I still on my feet believing and holding on of however I believe, you kept blaming me for my forgiveness for my behavior for my smile, don't you see how strong to stand and smile when you aching inside don't you just see beyond silly words , fights ITS NOT ABOUT THAT, its about me I forgive I smile I'm keeping my soul a whole, I was silent for a while to hoping that you would understand but believe me when I say there is always satisfaction in scarification and this is me.
It's harder on me to ignore you, I'm not that person! But I'm doing the best for us. I know you said you want me beside where ever or how every it will take but as I told you before it wouldn't work you survived without me for more than four years and you will survive again, I can't do that to you again I'm sorry. It’s the best for you.
I sent you a message by wrong and you called I told you I'm sorry wrong number, you said its okay then you sent me a happy feast message even when you don't know me, thank you for believing that everyone need a smile even if they were strangers.
I LOVE YOU. You do mean the world to me
And I want to thank each of you for following me
You're the reason that I write =) .