His lily pad

It was midnight...it's always midnight when he decided he can't take it anymore; he put on his coat and left home for a walk he didn’t know where to go but he opened the door and just walked away hoping he could leave his concern and fear behind.

The wind hit his face sturdy like continually waves it was wintry there, he tried to cover every inch of this body under this coat , the night was cruel just like how he feels lost , cold and undefined

he struggles to keep walking his way out even the trees were struggling with the wind to stand still, the moon was full leaving his light floating around smoothly like a song of sorrow for him … a tear run of his face couldn’t figure out is it because of the cold or because of the pain ?…the pain " Stop thinking like that " his mind told him " no I just can't take it anymore I was stupid I don’t even know how I did that she will never forgive me ..never " he found himself so near to her home fighting a monster inside his heart to stop right there and not going under her home shouting his throat out that he still in love with her and he is sorry " really sorry …maybe she will forgive me " " no not this time I hurt her so much I can't even forgive my self !!" then he thought maybe if he was lucky he will pass by her home and just see her shadow across the window " I miss her … I miss her smell … I miss her smile .. I can't think about her anymore she is gone and I better stay out of her life I have done enough" the memory of seeing her smiling again took over and he couldn’t resist but to smile " she was the love of my life and I pretended she was not .. How fool I'm!!? he closed his eyes hard putting all his pressure, a fail task to erase her from his mind then he sighted a long meaningful painful sigh its not working and never will I'm clueless how to unbreak heart again ! I just wanna fade away life is so hollow without her smelling like fresh flowers at the morning, laughing around like babies she was his shine , his warmness , his comfort and he let her go … a sold sharp feeling crossed him! He gasp for air although it was windy but he felt like there is no more air left for him to breath or essentially he doesn't want anymore oxygen inflowing his lungs ever again as long as she is not here besides him feeling his hand leaving him with that tenderness wonder of her and his sweet surrender! He lost her, He lost his lily pad!