And suddenly you hear nothing but your own breath and regularly losing your sense of hearing, seeing, smelling…and everything around moves in slow motion.
In a moment you start wondering about your life your proposal your self and start realizing thing have been hidden as if your were blind before,
A moment of wonder a moment of silence is all we need to change your whole life
The moment you choose to open your eyes to welcome the new ideas to let things abnormal and just perfectly fit to u
It could be a moment when you finally decided to hear someone's advice or even yourself
Or a moment of believing that you deserve more and you want more from life
A moment is all we need …a moment of life
Before things goes back to normal before you could start listening to everything around you again and before you got into this so called busy messy life… sometimes we should slow down and just have a moment for ourselves… believe me its worth it.
To look up into the sky because it still blue when ever the sun goes down you will always find the moon
A bird can fly high above as long as she lives
So go let yourself free… take a deep breathe and dare to set ur dreams free, open your eyes again because the sun will send her light into every soul, with warm charm we will wait for the moon … it will take your breathe away with million accompanying stars, staring at you with magical milky way, so feel the cold air inside of you. Healing your broken heart with every raindrop
And when the leaves turn yellow and fall of the tree. they swam in thousand seas … it will take your eyesight into the dawn ,playing with hisbrush, drawing a colorful rainbow with all the hopes and faith in the air then its time for night to take turns and leave a glow in your eyes, like a beautiful lady dressing a gown of diamonds, sending her black hair over the ocean waves so the shells can tell a fairytale about how a mermaid fall in love because that's how you and me hold our love … so there I stare for all above waiting for the sky to send my own spark, until I tied my rope into the moon and watched the reflection of million sparkling hearts, a tear fall down of my eyes making my heart the most sparkling of all .
They say that pictures worth thousand words, but sometimes one word can turn into knifes blades and break million hearts.
Words can hurt … words aren't just letters sticking to each other …it's our simplest and most powerful tool of all time!!
Yet we forget how powerful they are!! We spill lot very hurting uncaring words to our very special ones!!
I really don't know what to say I'm out of words, out of pain, out of world I don't know why people became very rude and uncaring as if forgiveness and love doesn't excess anymore ! Somehow somewhere in life their light inside their heart has turned off...there eyes have been folded; they carve scares with their words in our souls and turn their back to us!! Dose any one care any more about someone's happiness?
I believe that the little things that make life great and with a little word and a smile you can bright someone's life… one of my wishes before I die to draw a smile on very face I have ever met in my life… to make a different to this world no matter what happened no matter how bad life is!! I will not lose my soul my kindness and my forgiveness.
I met lot of people in my life most of them tried to convinces me so hard that forgiveness is very week thing when you forgive so easily so quickly you lose it, but
this image from (www.postsecret.blogspot.com) and its true :(
I believe deeply that forgiveness is the most powerful thing a human can do!!
Today: well I'm wearing very colorful unmatched pair of socks and I made myself a cup of hot chocolate … it still freezing here,
I realize that I spend 40 minute every day alone in the subway, taking the Metro to my college doing nothing but staring at those so unfamiliar million faces around me with my rock songs playing in my ears. Its weird knowing that each face of them have his own life, own secrets and own problems, they are so different in shape, sound and color.
I really wish that it could snow here
Really snow … that would make the whole city a sparking crystal with colorful lights at the night everywhere … that would be magical … I wander if I will ever have the chance to walk on snow and have a snow fight with my friends.
I really wish that I could spend more times with my friends I really miss them, in winter me and my best friends used to havea walk at night eating ice-cream, people used to stare at us if we were paunch of mad girls for eating ice-cream in the coldest night and we used to fill the street with our laughter I missed that feeling
I have this huge hole in my chest and its getting bigger every time I cry …and I do cry a lot I became very emotional those day I mean VERY emotional not only crying for watching a movie or hearing a song but also crying while watching cartoonsyeah I know freaky .
I also cry while watching some people happy I don’t envy them or something! It just I wander if they really appreciate the happiness they have! … We truly wouldn't appreciate happiness with sadness
I get this awful feeling at the night before sleeping the lonely feeling… its really waste of time if you are not with the one you love.
I wanna write about forgiveness, I really love, appreciate, respect forgiveness it's so powerful.
we made them …we miss them … and sometimes we hate them but once it become a memory we aren't allowed to erase them we try our best by getting busy . Having new hobbies or knowing new people but they find their way back to our life and then hit you when you less expected it
because Its there in your mind what ever you do when ever you go it’s the biggest part of your daily thinking … we may forget the details but we will never forget how it used to feel …how he used to make you laugh how she used to comfort you … how good having this person in your life … the feeling is always there waiting to go out by any kind of way … yesterday
I was walking alone in the street it was freezing the rain has just stopped leaving everything sparkling under the moon light I put my hands in my pocks to warm them a little then suddenly I heard a song coming from a window with short purple curtain, the cold wind hit my face with the melody of the song, I know that song I know every single word of it …its you who used to sing it to me …its you who I remembered!! You know this feeling the sudden flash that makes your mind go searching for old memories and feeling
It was like the music playing on my heart with a hammer breaking it into million pieces
And I cried
The weirdest tear you would have
A tear full of sadness, love and curious if that person still remember you the same
A very heavy meaningful hurtful tear
A tear that you missed that person so much that you feel you have lost part of your soul
The feeling of secure happy and belonged is no more there
The smile which light your whole day up is gone
The grave, the passion, and the intimacy found their way out of your heart
I cried for the things I will never forget, I cried for the mistakes we made, the moments we waste I cried for you if only you were here beside me playing with my hair like we used to be, if only we can share laughter again …and if only we weren't that stupid to let go
It have been a while since I wrote anything in here and the reason thatmade me search for my diary everywhere was a movie called " Zay Enharda". I found my diary in my pink box " my memory box" I took the diary and removed the dust on the cover with my hand and started writing… it was a great movie actually I cried when you realize how the past keep playing with your present and future and how we refuse to let go of it… how hard is it for us to face all of that!!!
The last scene of the movie when she knew that her brother is going to kill her beloved and when she knew that if she went there she will be killed for believing that the future is all about the past. Although that entire she ran, she ran as fast as she can just to face her density or was that her choice!!?
I don’t know if we can choose what we will face or how we can deal with what's in our life!
I heard a theory that what we can't choose is just 10% of our life and what we can choose; the other 90% is just our reaction to that 10% we can't choose!!
Sometimes I feel that life is so damn complicated and other times it gets so simple so simple that freaks you out!!
So was it written for me to watch this movie today so I can go and search for my diary and write that?!! Or simply I choose to write about the corner of life I didn’t see before and maybe and only maybe someone read and see what I can see now and it will make a different. I don't know and I don't know if I supposed to know after all.
All I'm thinking about now is trying to figure out how people fall in and out of love for more than one time by their choices or like they said everything happen for a reason!! I mean I have been in one love story and I'm lost, broken and confused and yet in love so did I choose the wrong person or the wrong place and time? Or maybe it was written for me to feel that way so I can get out or solve what we face then I'll know that I'm in the right place!! I really don't know its all about what we think and what we believe… they say you see all the answer in front of your eyes while taking the last breathe …and yet we choose our last word about what we feel.
When I was young and before I actually get my life my bio teacher once told us in the class that "men love stupid women… so try to be one to please him" and like every advice she told us we took it in our so UN experience mind and with a thrill.
And as I grow I saw lot of girls just losing their own personality, their goal, their hobbies even their career and eventually their life and becoming just the shadow of him, the pale person, and the unspeakable mind.
Sadly is it? To lose half of our society just to please the other half!! If we really are sure that something please them after all!!
Do we really have to lose ourselves?
While I was watching the devil wears Prada and step ford wives for the million times I asked my self the same question
Do we always have to choose between your success in your career and your personal life? Do we always have to step forward no matter what? And what ever it takes? I have lot of ambition for my career I actually wanna make a different in the world; I really wanna be something for several reasons
It's not that to prove that we can do it!!! We have proved that from million years ago and we are already doing it!! But still we face lot of difficulty in that issue!!
What men say to women when they wanna work!!
1st
"your number one career in the world is to rise the children and take care of your home plus why do you want to" tbhdly nfsk" when you can stay at home like a princess"
It's too familiar to us to explain
Yeah its true if your work just give you hell then look for a better place but who said you will always gat what you want that easy !!?
We have to work hard sometimes to get to the right place.
2nd
"Our religion state that women should stay home and men get the money for living it's not right for you to work"
Completely wrong… our religion valuable the women in very single way we have to be comfort in our life because we have a very important role so as long as we are comfort and working with decent people then why not?
"El saeda Khatiga" had her own business and she had her own source of money.
Actually she married "el Rasol" (salah Allah 3leha w salm) from her business trading and it was okay for her to work!
3rd
"You will be busy all the time … I just want you to be mine"
So selfish!! You will be out of home most of the day
And we will stay home lonely waiting for you in a bad mood
And of course you will be stressed from working so I will hope that you will understand what I'm going through and you will do the same and none of us will ever be pleased!! WHAT A LIFE!!
I understand that you must be there in my life from time to time; but I'm kindly asking you for a break … would it you please understand why I need a break? Because
Two days ago I was the happiest person on earth!! Life was great … I spent 2 days with my best friend hanging out laughing that was heavenly to me after those dark months
And then it hit me again …. You hit me again Depression. ..And why? Is two days too much for me>? I just wanna have some peace. ..To be able to smile for days...to enjoy the blue sky and my favorite season … to enjoy the rain...to enjoy every drop of it!!
The weird thing is that I'm very optimistic person … I love hope faith and light …so why you keep hitting me like you can't find someone else? I have learned a lot about life but what still freak me out , I will admit what I didn’t learn yet … my mistakes … loving too much …forgiving too easy… trusting too quickly and expect the same from people I think I will stick with the quote " give more and … expect less "
Regardless that I believe that forgiveness is the most powerful thing anyone can do and not everyone is able to do such a thing … its very hard extremely hard.
I never figured out why I suffer this much?? Do I choose the wrong people in my life??
No I have lot of great friends and I love every single one of them then why suddenly everything is a mess!! Such a mess and my biggest hole where one of my best friend and I mean the best is not there beside me and I dunno why ...such a lose such a waste of time to be apart god I miss how we used to be!!
So please give me a chance to fix my life ...to breathe …I wanna stand on my feet again
