she !

She smiled warily and rolled her eyes within pushing her curls behind her ear and he was absolutely convince that there no such a beauty left in the world he didn’t see!

on the bridge !

Those little steps for me seem huge. Tough! or is it huge I mean after all I forbidden myself from thinking about the consequence, I decided to do what will satisfy me and what I desire after a long term struggling with thoughts , they seem " my thoughts" diverse from my action which is "not-so-me" so yeah my action and thoughts are not on the same page and I did nothing I didn’t even tried to put them in the same page , I'm within my feeling … my only feeling I'm following my guts and I'm not listening to my thoughts nor taking care of my action, in some moments I think I'm living someone's life that isn’t mine and I'm watching back there not in a bad way but in weird content way !

Life drifts me on a side I didn’t pick really!! But those steps that I'm willing or supposed to take are vast …it is huge...never thought follow your heart sentence is that hard or hysterical… I'm getting what I want what I have been dreaming for so long, I worked hard to get it and there it is! So why I'm so afraid to cross that bridge and take it …it could be mine forever I proved I deserve it so why...why the hell I'm having second thoughts… every time I think its risky to cross over I found myself stepping toward it more and more and some times the wind just blow me over there and I didn’t resist is that mean I really deep down think it’s the right thing to do? And that fear is only human Normal fear of risking!! Or I'm blaming my self so hard that I feel that I don’t deserve this happiness but I do deserve! I guess I will never be apple to let go of that habit blaming my self for everything even if it was not my fault… so there my feeling which I'm going with is letting me flow with the wind, my action which I'm not thinking of seem to give up to my own feeling … my thought which impair me the most is just holding me over the bridge from taking those steps!!

This whole thing is not making sense … life is never sense somehow just like Alice said in wonder land " If I had a world of my own everything will be nonsense
Nothing will be what it is because everything will be what it isn't"

I decided to let it be … what is going to be...

Because its gonna happen what ever I decided if I'm too afraid from getting hurt again , it will cross over the bridge for me if it meant to be!! So wouldn’t it be safer to get hurt on bridge or on the other side when my feet are on the ground!! I think its safer on the other side maybe after all I will not get hurt and I will taste pure happiness with what I deserve who know!! My feeling won again huh… what a beautiful mess! Thou you are pulling me toward you in the same time…such grateful for your help !

I do :)

you and my beautiful earring!

I panic! I do panic at losing things, people, and feeling!

I rarely lose but every time I'm close of losing something I panic even a feeling I panic when I lose faith , hope or respect/trust to someone!

So I had this beautiful earring my mum gave to me its so old and stunning white demands look like a flower I once lost a pair in the house I searched for it for days until I found it and kept it safe some where! so I wouldn’t lose it again forgetting the other pair in my ear I forgot about it for like 6 month until yesterday I was playing with my hair and felt the empty place for my earring I ran to my room and put my earring back the moment my eye found it that day I felt like a piece of me is back beautiful what I felt! beside my view I sit so I can see the sky and my daisy flowers I sit there for my daily watching stars at mid night suddenly I found him under my view the moment I popped my head he called me on my cell phone and his first word was "I missed you" he having been

Standing there for an hour waiting for me to show up when I was extremely sure that I lost him that sometimes when I remember our days together it felt like a delusion didn’t even happen just my imagination but he came back! Just like my earring I felt the emptiness where it was but couldn't remember to put it back!

maybe sometime something meant to be lost to be found in another perfect timing or maybe sometime something meant to be lost so other new things can come I'm not certain about it but what I'm sure of is that there is a reason behind it and good feeling worth waiting for!

missing you

Wouldn't it be beautiful if I could put joy and happiness in jars? So anytime I could unlock the lid and it will flow everywhere!! Or I just could feel your heart between your arms for one minute.

Fairy Dust

With every beat of my heart I will light up a candle so you can see how much your love glow my life… with every breathe of mine I send you a kiss that will wrap your heart and keep you warm for the rest of your life… the moment you blink I freeze the time so it wouldnt count on me.

You're not perfect I know you are

I'm not perfect I know I'm.

But you add something

And I obtain everything

You do love me

I know you do,

But somehow keep missing

I don’t know why!

You were far and I was there …I left and you were gone and

One night I woke up hearing you calling my name and fairy dust were gleaming everywhere I run and run aimless falling into million sparkling skies hearing the echo of your sound, I chased the wind holding your smell but I failed to grab any of those, I sit alone tangling my hair around … staring to those hearts with little wings flying above me

" oh that will take me to you" I tried so hard to hold on, to catch one … " little pinky hearts come back"

I ran to stairs hanging from no where but they were gone I was too late... I sit back on the same spot waiting for you, clutching that fairy dust from the air collecting them in my hand putting them against my heart they got fizzy as they felt my broken heart

I asked " can you fix it for me?" they tickled me so hard that I felt my laugh flying for miles I opened up my eyes and I found you…you were here besides me and

you said

"I heard your laugh it bring me alive, bring me to you…" I ran to you feeling your arms around me holding me tight that I couldn’t let go again

You were here and I was here

And I do know why

Because we were both in love.

Just right :)

Swinging !!

Sometimes life become so overwhelming just like a big swing

The one that everybody adore , admiring the rush of it , everyone getting on board smiling enjoying the slow ride and it unexpectedly turn up so quickly so fast that you forget to breathe , your heart speeds and become so numb that you can't feel a thing… just passing by , colors become figure-less images disappearing and voices , so many voices are blending together becoming silence, very loud silence that can hurt your ears , fading away and you are totally alone in the world NO the whole world disappeared you escaped time ! The swing is too fast and too strong to handle so you wait around for it to slow down and jump or otherwise you can jump whiling spinning ignoring the fact that you may crash and hurt yourself roughly into emptiness!!

the sea

One of my favorite on earth " the sea "
my dream house with "the sound of the waves , salt smell of the sea, golden sand, warm rays, and blue sky" deeply inlove !!

His lily pad

It was midnight...it's always midnight when he decided he can't take it anymore; he put on his coat and left home for a walk he didn’t know where to go but he opened the door and just walked away hoping he could leave his concern and fear behind.

The wind hit his face sturdy like continually waves it was wintry there, he tried to cover every inch of this body under this coat , the night was cruel just like how he feels lost , cold and undefined

he struggles to keep walking his way out even the trees were struggling with the wind to stand still, the moon was full leaving his light floating around smoothly like a song of sorrow for him … a tear run of his face couldn’t figure out is it because of the cold or because of the pain ?…the pain " Stop thinking like that " his mind told him " no I just can't take it anymore I was stupid I don’t even know how I did that she will never forgive me ..never " he found himself so near to her home fighting a monster inside his heart to stop right there and not going under her home shouting his throat out that he still in love with her and he is sorry " really sorry …maybe she will forgive me " " no not this time I hurt her so much I can't even forgive my self !!" then he thought maybe if he was lucky he will pass by her home and just see her shadow across the window " I miss her … I miss her smell … I miss her smile .. I can't think about her anymore she is gone and I better stay out of her life I have done enough" the memory of seeing her smiling again took over and he couldn’t resist but to smile " she was the love of my life and I pretended she was not .. How fool I'm!!? he closed his eyes hard putting all his pressure, a fail task to erase her from his mind then he sighted a long meaningful painful sigh its not working and never will I'm clueless how to unbreak heart again ! I just wanna fade away life is so hollow without her smelling like fresh flowers at the morning, laughing around like babies she was his shine , his warmness , his comfort and he let her go … a sold sharp feeling crossed him! He gasp for air although it was windy but he felt like there is no more air left for him to breath or essentially he doesn't want anymore oxygen inflowing his lungs ever again as long as she is not here besides him feeling his hand leaving him with that tenderness wonder of her and his sweet surrender! He lost her, He lost his lily pad!

keep trying!

Julie

For Julie

Since I saw you I felt how warm you are, you are the kind of person who always light up the room the moment you walk in!!

You so pure, kind and your smile flies for miles

You so colorful and fun I always remember how so sweet you were with me!!

You made my day with one hug!! I will never forget how you used to do that every time you see me!!

I love you and you will wake up soon ISA my sis

Pray for her people please!!

She has been in a coma for more than 10 days :(

Ya Rab eshfeha!!

Perfect smile

you asked me why I'm so kind ?

you asked me why I always smile

I tell you because that's who I'm

I'm a girl with the cheerful smile

I'm the girl who always hold tight

The one who keep things in paradise

Wishing peace and love all the time

Tearing during every kind of adore

The one who bright your day

Even she failed to bright her own

A broken heart, scars and running child

The girl who draw hearts all over the wall

And fold paper boats into oceans

The one who believes in fairytales

And wishing upon shooting stars

Who still thinking the moon

Is smiling to her every time she is blue

Swinging and swinging until I touch the sky.

Louder and louder I fill the space with laughter

With shades of my hands I create yours

With empty chairs I picture you

Building bridge and breaking walls

Flying bubbles and colorful butterflies

To the day I die I always

I wanna be remembered as the girl with the perfect smile.

The list

Waking up today I realize that the past two years were the worse years of mine … I lost the love of my life... I lost one of my best friends and I went to a college that I hate and still do!

And suddenly I said I can't just keep living like that I decided to pay a visit to a hospital near me (that actually one of the solution that I want to when I see my life so messy) when I went there I saw people in a real pain… they have cancer or Aids and so many things that made their life upside down. Actual pain!! I saw how strong they are and how they are keen on living no matter what and no matter how old or young they are!! And every time I couldn’t find anything but to smile to their face and ask God to help them!!

I'm one of those people who keep thinking that if anything went wrong then its my fault then I realize… no this time its not my fault I did my best I was there I was supportive. They have lost someone who actually care and love them more the world! I even fought for them!! So that's it I will let go of everything and if I'm keeping anything it will be their sweetest memory!

So when I got back home I starting writing my list of things that I'm grateful to have in my life (this my 2^nd step to feel good)

First of all I have my parents … which I love so much… so many people lost their parents or don’t know how precious they are!! Family is everything!

My friends … Four days ago I read a post of a friend she was talking about her Guardian angles " her friends" I really love it and it left me wondering why she call them " guardian angles" I couldn’t understand. I mean I love my friends more the world but I wanted to know why she called them angles … then one night I was crying non stop I was so down and blue I called a friend " Dina Abdel Rhamn" and she listened to me for hours crying, she even came to me and lighted my whole day then I said " thank god for sending me this angle" then at this moment I remembered Mona's post!! and next day i found my friends at my house all of them They are truly guardian angles ... I love you guys and i wanna thank you all

I have a very comfort home!! I can go and sleep feeling warm while listening to the rain and wind outside!! Some people weren't blessed enough to have such a thing!!

I can breath, see, hear and feel!! And I have a good heath!!

And a really long list…..thank God

The long road

People choose things, things that might give them gladness or open new doors for them or just for the sake of change … they assume that some day some how their life will be exactly what they predict in mind they wait and linger hoping one day its gonna happen the change will knock the door off and the story will began … just wait and hope. They observe their life from a window passing by, not good enough like a lost dream you can't figure its meaning … they depends on destiny their big hero in the story, he will throw something on their head someday that will change it all, I do agree destiny is a source of hope the unknown handler who we will have faith in!! They said life is our choices its 50/50 deal...Do what you want and deal with what you don’t …it's your action …your reflection …your vision!

Some people come across and change your vision about life they even will take your breath away from time to time but the thing is we all are afraid from greatness we love those who come a cross and turn our world upside down they make a different in the world but we envy them clandestinely what they have, we don’t have? What it take to be such a person in people's life! Did they choose differently or they were blessed enough to know the right from the wrong? Right or wrong according to who or maybe they based their choices on other peoples outlook.

Or signs...yes signs from life that leads you, after all I think its more simpler a big one road and lot of new turns that you could take or walk along the same road hoping you will have the sign you want to see, people who you want to be with and the most joyful feeling of all if you looked back and saw your footprints in every way you passed by! Just make sure you don’t wait on the sideways waiting for some kind of change coming to you after all you might be near… you will get the life you wished if you are smart enough to realize what you have and what you are capable of. we all are great in some way we deserve a nice balanced life.

JEANS….

Its boys vs. Jeans

- Well jeans can't play play station all the time and forget all about you.

- Jeans are always there for you when you need them unless they gone to be washed

- If you get bored with your jeans, you can just go out and buy new one that you like more.

- You can exchange jeans if they are not right for you and no one get hurts.

- Jeans don’t have mean friends who talk bad about you.

- Also you can change your jeans every single day and no judge you or call you a bad names.

- New pair of jeans always makes you feel good.

- You can share jeans with your mates ...but I guess you can't share her boy friend: D.

- Jeans can go with everything.

- You don’t get so blushed in front of a pair of jeans.

JUST FOR FUN :D

Dear God, I trust you.

I trust you God I thank you God!! For everything and every breath!!

I thank you God for showing me how merciful you are and how he is not!!

I trust you God beyond anyone trust … I trust you that one day it will turn to be something great … I trust you for the unknown, for bringing a side of me that I don’t know !! I trust for my new turn … until the day I fulfill my dream and be everything but ordinary then for one day I will glow my own way!!

I know I can do it because I always believe and I will always have faith in you!!

For every tear ran down my face it will be replaced

By a laugh full of joy!!

For every scream of sadness it will be replaced

By a scream of success!!

For every dark moment it will be replaced

By a light of hope!!

For every time I faked a smile to hide my pain

I will truly smile from my heart this time

Oh dear God mend my dear broken heart!!

Since I was eight!!

Where I am from!!

I'm from every laugh you can hear

From every curl in my hair

From every sign into the dark

From every hope I belonged

Sunlight, dream on

Fallen stars and blue sky

I'm from the lyrics in the songs

From the tone of your voice

From the sweet smile on every face

From every child running free

Lollipops and chocolate chips

Colorful balloons and flying kiss

I'm from cold nights and warm hugs

Strawberry swings and dandruff field

Flying kite and singing birds

Close friends and inside jokes

I'm from every wave in the sea

Shells, sands and Diamonds Ocean

Fairy tales and mermaids

From every shadow of wonder

million fireflies and every rain drop

From every tear went free

Broken heart and silent moments

From every mistake with grace

Memories, priceless pictures and diaries

From every word written beautifully

I'm from every "I love u" that took my breath away

I'm from every detail that made me in love with you.

Idea taken from ~"Tabitha Bir"

And her awesome blog: http://tabithabird.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!!